Days leading to my hospital
admission I began to set some goals for myself to do to physically and mentally
prepare me for the upcoming surgery. Every day Patrick and I will walk for a
minimum of 5 km or 10K step counts every morning. This is more a cardio
training plus it relaxes me. And sometimes during these walks we will sit in a
bench and just focus on the present moment, just being aware of our present
state, paying attention on our senses, thoughts and emotions. This mindfulness
meditation is a really good mental training for me that really helps calm my
mind. What also calms my mind is when I sit alone in a corner to pray. One
thing that really carried me through the years when faced with hardships and
trials is my faith that God is good and He is bigger than my problems. Of
course the thoughtful, uplifting, encouraging messages from friends,
colleagues, and family really helped me a lot too. I felt seen, and heard, and
validated.
May 27 – Hospital admission, one day before the surgery. Patrick brought me to the hospital because I was scheduled for a CT scan at 1 pm. They did a preop scan of my left breast and scan with contrast for the lymphatics to mark the left sentinel node ready for tomorrow. After the scan, we went to the surgery department to settle in my room - I was given a one-person suite (to my surprise). They do not have any more place for me in a 2-person room, so it was a nice upgrade actually. Patrick was with me to help me settle in the room but he has to leave by 3 p.m. to pick up Kassandra from school and then come back to the hospital with Kassandra along, and they stayed with me until 8 pm that day.
That evening, the assistant anesthesiologist came to the room to explain to me
what to expect the day of surgery. It was actually comforting to hear from the
doctors what is going to happen and their reassurance that everything will be
fine. The nurses were also very friendly and helpful, answering some questions
I still have. I was also given an anticoagulant injection on my thigh that
evening which I will receive every day until discharge. As expected, that night
I found it hard to sleep. I was excited and nervous, and if I am being honest,
I am a little bit afraid – thinking what if the surgery went south or what if
there were complications during surgery. I do not want to entertain any more
negative thoughts because it’s not going to help. So, I just prayed. I lifted
everything up to God and surrender everything.
May 28 – Day of surgery. I woke up very early that morning. I think I slept a good 4 hours. The surgery is on 8 am so I will be wheeled into the operating room around 7:15 am. Even if I only had 4 hours of sleep, I was really wide awake and felt rested. I told myself, I will be sleeping the whole day today anyway during the surgery, so I can catch up with sleep then. I showered and made myself ready. A nurse came in to help me put on the TED compression stockings and then I am good to go.
I was brought first to a pre-operative holding area where a nurse asked me some standard questions. At 7:30, I was brought into the OR where nurses and doctors were already getting ready. I felt a bit cold when we entered the OR. The plastic surgeon asked me to stand up then he marked my abdomen with what I assumed to be his incision sites. I was then asked to lie down on the operating table where I was positioned with my both arms abducted and strapped. The nurses came to connect me with all that machines, cables, and IV lines. My gynecologist/surgeon who will do first the mastectomy came to give me a pat on a shoulder and told me that everything will be alright. She is always that comforting and encouraging. After what seems like forever, the anesthesiologist came, asked me a few questions and then the masked was put on my nose and I was out…
At 6 pm I heard someone calling
my name. it was the nurse asking me how I feel. The room was dimly lit and I
heard some tooting sound from monitors which were connected to me for my
vitals. I remembered waking up with so much pain I was even crying. I also was
so thirsty but I was only given a water swab to wet my lips as I was still NPO.
For the pain, the nurse on duty gave me a
stronger pain meds and then I dozed off again.. I stayed in the intensive care
unit for a day after the operation for close monitoring. The nurse was checking
on me every 30 minutes. Aside from the vitals, they were checking on the
wounds, wound drains, urinary output from catheter, and most specially the reconstructed
left breast if blood circulation was optimal. I was the whole time just lying
on my back with the headboard slightly higher; turning on the sides was not
allowed because of wound drains on both my left and right sides; and also I cannot turn even if I wanted to because
of so much pain. My incision was from my left to the right hip and the
slightest movement was excruciatingly painful.
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