Midlife lessons..

Lessons learned at 35

Thirty five -- I will be 35 this year.This means I am already half the life expectancy of a woman according to UN World Population Prospects. But beyond statistics, beyond number, I guess the most important thing is the learning.  And this is the time when I want to have a quiet time, reflect, and ask what I have learned in life. So here it is, before I reach half of my lifespan (that is, if I survive 70 years..but I hope to live more than that ), I want to share some little things or not so little things I have learned in my almost 35 years of existence.

On gratitude:

1.  That saying “thank you” creates the most wonderful feeling for the giver and the receiver. As Gordon Hinckley says – it can resolve disputes; it can strengthen friendship, and it makes us a better men and women.



On forgiving and seeking forgiveness:

2. That forgiveness is a gift – but not for the person who has wronged you – it is actually a gift to yourself… because when you forgive, it will not only free you from bondage of hurt, bitterness, anger, and resentment, but it is also the start of healing – and from there, you can move on and start living.

3. That saying “sorry” doesn’t make you any less of a person –people who can say “sorry” retain their dignity and respect intact.

4. That an expression of regret is better said in one plain word: “Sorry.” Pure..Sincere..No if or but – no conditions.

5. Apparently, apologizing is a skill that needs to be taught. So start young and early. For those who have kids or are surrounded by kids, let them know that apology is an act of humility and courage. It’s an acknowledgment that you have done something wrong and brave enough to do something about it.


On honesty and truth: 

6. That sometimes, the truth is scary and painful, but with acceptance, it can surely heal.

7. That you can fool other people, but you cannot fool yourself – so dare to be true – for in that boldness is great character.

8. That lying is not only dishonest, but cowardly – a sign of weakness.

9. That a single drop of dishonesty can cause a ripple of doubt that can be a massive wave of distrust which can destroy relationships.

10. Telling the truth allows you to live with integrity --and most importantly – peace of mind.


On friendships and relationships:

11. That friendship takes time – time to know the person – time to build shared memories – time to invest in eachother’s growth. So, if you do not have time, you cannot have friends.

12. That building friendship is an investment because you are spending your precious time to know the person – and so it is but appropriate to consider every friend your treasure.

13. That real friendship continues to grow even with great distances as long as communication is open and both have to make an effort to reach out.

14. That some people come in to your life and change it – and then leave – not because they want to – but because their mission on you has been fulfilled and their purpose has been served.

15. That in any relationships there are misunderstandings and differences of opinion, but knowing and accepting eachother’s individuality and uniqueness is a sign of deeper sense of respect.


On family:

16. That mom will not be a mom if she does not worry.

17. That dad may be less of a talker, but it does not mean he feels less.

18. That you can only understand why mom is loud and dad is strict when you get to be a parent yourself.

19. That your family is the only one who can see your innermost fear even before you admit it, but still will not judge you for it – and they will be the first one to offer help even before you confront it.

20. That no matter how many failures, mistakes, wrong choices, and bad decisions you make in your lifetime, they are the only people who will still welcome you back in their arms and guide you to recover.

21. That it is important to celebrate love, life, and laugh with family while the time still counts and the moment still matters.


On faith and belief:

22. That faith and belief, though intertwined, are different in so many things. As the holy bible says – Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen – relates more on HOPE and TRUST of what is to come though cannot be seen. Belief relates most to knowledge and understanding on something tangible and existing.

23. That you keep the FAITH in God and BELIEVE in your capacity to do good.

24. That for me, religion is my relationship with God and how that relationship transpires to how I deal with other people.

25. That like any other relationships where communication is very important, prayer is our open communication with God. And no matter where you are, what you do, and what you feel, at the end of the day, it will all just be between you and God.

On character and personality:

26. An all time favorite from mothers – if you don’t have anything good to say – shut up. I guess there’s a basis for that – remember that words have power – a power to build and a power to destroy.

27. That when the going gets tough – you should be tougher. Never underestimate your ability to overcome challenges – for when circumstances call for it and there is no one else but you – you will be amazed on how you are able to do things you never thought you can.

28. That give yourself time to be child again – play with kids…pillow fights…sing and dance in the rain… and you will feel young all over again.


29. That too often we underestimate a sincere smile, a friendly wink, a pat on the back, a kind word, a listening ear – though insignificant for some and just a little gesture for others – but can have a potential to change somebody’s life around.

30. That knowledge is not meant to be kept to oneself. As my favorite saying by Dalai Lama goes “share your knowledge; it’s a way to achieve immortality.” I want to continue my legacy to the next generation through sharing myself and what I know.

31. That the quality of one’s life is defined by the quality of one’s thinking – what you think is what you become – we are the product of our own thoughts. Change the way you think, and you will change your life. So think big, dream big, and become big!

32. That laughter is really the best medicine – it triggers the release of endorphins (the body’s natural pain killers) and produces a general sense of well being – lowers blood pressure, reduces stress hormones, and boosts immune function. And the biggest benefit of laughter is that it is free and has no negative side effects. So make laughter a part of your lifestyle – a healthy lifestyle.

33. That it is okay to say no – it frees us from making insincere commitments, and it ensures we commit to things that matters.

34. That being single and unattached does not mean being alone and lonely – happiness is a state of mind.

35. That if you are brave enough to say “goodbye” – you will see that life will soon reward you with a new “hello.”